GoThIc

2007-08-15T03:10:00.000-07:00

RELINK ME!!

www.herownfairytale.blogspot.com

2007-08-01T23:59:00.000-07:00

moving on....

i may love him like mad..and.. i may hate him like crazy too.

2007-07-30T00:11:00.000-07:00

i miss you awak
i love you so much
if only i can turn back the time.
this will never happen.
how could you do this to me?
why didnt u tell me that u need time?
ive been supporting you awak.
i sacrifice so much for you.
i love you so much!
i treasure our love
i gave my whole heart to you
and now you leave me.
you leave me with this pieces of broken heart
and this pieces are missing you.
and god i really do miss u.
all that is left for me are memories,sweet memories of me and you
i want u back.
i want the old you.
maybe we are not fated to be together,for now.
i hope and i wish that we will be one day..
and u can bring me to the horizon..up in the sky,so we can watch the sunset together,holding our hands tight.
the hopes..the promises..memories.
i will never forget.
and till i die,i will love u..
my first love..i swear.
no one can replace u in my heart awak.
because this heart belongs to you sayang..

kite sayang awak...

2007-07-16T05:20:00.000-07:00

today is da the most unhappy day i ever had.

after malay dance practise,i waited for kak zakiah while she was having her o'level listening compre.i stood at one corner,as usual,alone.then thought about him again.i read the letter i wrote to him that wasnt even given a chance to send.same thing happened.memories came back.and i cried again.i cried so hard.i really dnt want this to happen.but it happened too fast.
i cant help it sometimes thinkin how stupid i am.

my fwen confiscated my letter that i wrote bout shamir.and today,his sister pass me that letter.after the arguement yesterday.i really dnt know wat is his motive to pass me back the letter.

i cant take it anymore.im too tired of helping so many people wen they cannot be bothered.im thankful enough,i still have frens.and i really appreciate that.im tired of crying.i dnt wanto waste my tears.it's no use anymore.

2007-07-14T06:15:00.000-07:00

it was the Musical night "the labryinth of dreams"

we have to performed 8 shows in 3 days.it was really tiring.but im gonna miss dancing there so much! it was taken place at the arts house.

we,the malay dancers were dancing the mystique dance.it's a contemp dance.we have to give that kind of angry and watever face and our make up was so nice and fierce.it was cool.and my hair was done by one hot instructor.omg!! he is so hot and handsome.hehe..whoops!

we looked so vogue.

despite the exhaustment,we have put in a lot of effort.and the principal declare that we can come to school at 9am.because she understand that we were very tired and we have not enough sleep,becos we have to go home late at night around 10.30pm!

the last day of the show,in the morning,i broke down wen my friend on 'hurt' song in the bus.the memories of me and him came back.and i miss him so much.but he make me suffer a lot.i dnt know when can i forgive him.but one day i will.i just hope he will be happy now.i want him to be happy.

there's one time wen i totally forgot a him..and after so long,i cried so hard wen i suddenly think back about the past.how much i reaaly miss him.god i miss him so bad.

yesterday was a bad day for me.

but..after our last show,kak zakiah called me and asked if i wanted to go home wit her.i was so shocked and happy like hell.finaly we got over it and we start a fresh on our friendship.i miss her so much.den my sister top up my prepaid card and yusri-kwn2 called me!

omg! after so long we havent been i n contact i finaly get to hear his voice again and kak zakiah too!

after that the whole stressing thing started again.i dnt wanto talk about my mum la.its very bad.but i sort of pissed off wit someone who is too over negative over himself.i wanto help him.ive been trying my best to accompany and make him feel happy.

i dont wanto continue the story la.becoz i dnt wanto make a big fuss over it.

i just hope that he will realize that he is mature enough to think.

and relationship is not always the best cure for everything.seriously.

2007-06-27T04:20:00.000-07:00

today.i went to hakim's performance. they did well,but did not win.anyway it's ok.
suddenly my mood turn down after i saw her.its becoz i just dont understand why she is doing this to me.what have i done wrong til she looked as if it's all my fault.there are loads of questions still popping out in my head.just now i salam her.then she looked so pissed and as if im such a hatred to be seen.seriously what is my fault? i dnt know wat is happening.why she changed.she even told me that our friendship can last long.

seriously i dnt understand why people leave me without a reason.and leave me alone so miserable like that.i was just trying to give a helping hand but they just cant be bothered.
i was treated so harshly and unheartedly by some people.i was being so heart broken by smeone who i really love.who i put my whole heart to.in the end i lose him.and now i lose my bestfriend.who's next?there are more to cum.

i have to be patience in watever outcomes and take things calmly.but i have my limits.
gosh im so tired of having so much heart burns.i tried to hide all my feelings inside.i may look crazy,hyper,cheery..but no one knows exactly how fucking hurt my heart feels.

but im happy enough to have some frens and besties who still cares for me.my mom.my cousin.thank you so much for supporting me and being so caring.

hakim
THANK YOU MY DEAR BESTIE.
u nvr fail to bring a smile on my face.
u were always there for me.
u brighten up my day.
i love my bestfriend hakim.
he rocks! :)

korkor-ming zhe
thank you korkor
korkor love meimeiMEIMEI LOVE YOU MORE
u always wipe out the tears on my face
and my other uncles are so caring includin u.
love u!

penguinxx!
hey dude.
thanks for everything.
u always try to help me by giving so many advice and solutions.
and they really work.
especially wen i really get confused.
well im always confused.hehe

syura my lil patrick
u are the most idiotic bestfriend i ever had
since primary school dok.
hehe.
we nvr failed to share our problems
and u were my listening ear.
i love u!

erah and jujut
dear cousin,eventhough i find ur bf irritating.
i still love u guys.
coz u dada,will be the sunshine of my heart
u always help me
and give me a hug wen i need one.
love u

kawan2-yusri
u are the only one who understands my feelings
u were there for me too
take good care of ur gal
i know u are forcing urself
but dnt ever hurt her
thank you fwen2

THANK YOU GUYS! U GUYS WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY HEART.

well hopefully they will stay with me and nvr break did friendship
i dnt wanto lose them.
love you guys.

2007-05-20T07:05:00.000-07:00

me,awak,kak zakiah and hakim went to causeway point to watch the movie "jangan pandang belakang" the show is actually far from what i have expected or heard..tell u the truth..the movie was really stupid..it wasnt scary at all! the only thing that makes it scary was the sound effect which was giving loads of suspends..sorry i dont have any pictures that we took..

anyway..my first impression when going out with hakim,was that he was kinda weird..with his sleepy eyes and weird kind off hairstyle...but in the end i find him friendly and irritating wit his uncle uncle voice..but i think he and kak zakiah would make a matching couple...but too bad...they r just bestfriends...well i hope hakim will change his mind..

so...after that,we seperated la..me and awak walk walk together at causeway...it was kind of awkward la..bcos we dont have any mood at that time...but wen we sat at banquet,we had a little conversation..unfortnately that some conversation made me feel a lil hurt. and i cried la..sorry awak..

then we met kak zakiah and hakim in the cinema...damn we were seperated from the seats...hakim and kak zakiah sat far away from us...haiya...

after that stupid movie,awak got so mad becos i wore mini skirt...im sorry awak.i promise i wont wear it again...
den he went home..for the first time,he did not send me home but it was ok coz he had to do his project which i really dont know he had to hand in on monday...im dead..

so i went home wit kak zakiah la...haha..

i really love kak zakiah.i treat her as my sis now..she is always there for me wenever i nid a listening ear for my problems..wen i was having a humungous depression,she was the one who helped me and my sis gave me loads of advice too..i really appreaciate it sisters...u rock.muacks!

2007-04-22T06:37:00.000-07:00

i cut my hair...
i was bored and too stressed up la..haha
sorry i hav no picture..but sum of my friends says that its nice..
its sumthing like concave la..

my exams are coming and im so worried that i would be slacking throughout the week..my mom was like.."if u fail..ur relationship with him is over!"

sigh...

dear god pls give me the enthusiasm to study...i have to pass to safe my relationship..

my 10 month anniversary with him is over..another two months we will be one year!!!
so i decided to make for him a video of our achievements and memories..i shall post it soon la..
i love u so much baby...muacks!

by effa rizan senorita

2007-04-22T05:47:00.000-07:00

WE WON GOLD!!!

special thanks

to our favourite instructor together with his gf and his bestfriends

mdm suhailah-my teacher,my sister lup,my bestfriend and my captain driver

dear malay dancers

supporters-my dearest friends

take a look at my instructor in the yellow shirt..nak tangkap macho sey(malay)

2007-04-20T07:03:00.000-07:00

wat is mdm suhailah doing??so cute..the "CICAKMAN"pose :)
nadya & effa

sorry if the pictures are not that clear..

we were so bloody crazy at kfc while waiting for mdm suhailah a.k.a...take a look at these pictures...

dear bloggers...i have updated my blog...no worries;)

2007-04-03T03:11:00.000-07:00

now im leading into a very happy life...im startin to get cheerful again...

i have new friends who at least care and willing to accept me...i love them..
i have new bestfriends too..and i really enjoy being with them..
this friday or maybe sunday we are going out to watch movie..have to save money from now.haha.

but..

the only thing that doesnt make my day is to see her face...the more i see her face,the more i feel piss..becoz it will just remind me of wat she had done to me...i just hate it...

i also have my korkor(god brother) who always give me the comfort and happiness..he will nvr fail to bring me a smile and laughter...

lastly...my dear handsome cookie monster who is always there for me wenever im sad...he wil return me with a kiss and comfort me...

thank u my friends...and awak..for making me feel so secure and alive back..i love u guys so much!!!

2007-04-01T06:12:00.000-07:00

its all over...my friendship with the j.e.s.y is over...

eventhough i love them...i know i have made a right decision..i have to go..

i dont want to say much...bt i just wanna say to u girls something..

eventhough im gone for good...i will definately remember you guys..
maybe if time permits,we will be together again..but not now k...
i adore u guys so much...yet now my heart is still pain..
so just give me time..
thank you for bringing me laughter and hearts eventhough its just for a while...

dear bloggers...dis is the most sad ending i hav ever encounter..
boohoohoo..

2007-03-30T04:02:00.000-07:00

i am so....worried sick now..arggghhhh!!! my baby is at malaysia.he is suppose to be home today but he sitll havent kol me and reply my msg!!! i really dnt feel good ryte now..damn it!
baby plz be home early...there are loads of bad people in malaysia who loves to steal and get into trouble..im so scared...plz reply my msg awak...im still waiting...

ok now im not in the mood...but i can still blog..
syf is coming..im gettin a lil sick so im so afraid that i might not have a chance to perform for syf...we are like so into the dance now eventhough it was exhausting...and we were like already drenched with our sweats in the middle of the dance...but we were still havin fun..damn u badminton players,so unconsiderate by offing all the fans in the hall.how sickening..
i almost got dehydrated...

we have been trying our best to get at least a silver with our new great malay dance instructor(i shall not reveal his name)and he is consider as the best one so far we had..

im slowly gettin along with juls'..hopefully everything will go fine..no heartaches again.

im sorry friends cos my mind in everywhere..i just cant think for now...coz im worried but him..
so i shall make a move now..
peace.

2007-03-27T08:04:00.000-07:00

argh!!! ive lost my handphone!! arrrrrrrrgggggghhhh!!!!!!
fuck u teachers for threatening us dat they will do spotcheck and end up not doin.bloodyhell i put my hp into the water and it gt spoiled after the camp..i should be happy but i end up bein so fucked up..haizz..sorry friends..im just feelin piss now..dnt mind me ok..

after the fun camp and the gaining of huge muscles on my biceps and skinny legs,i came home straight and called my awak..i miss him!!! and i was about to cry wen i found out that im going to lose him too..he is goin for a holiday at kl wit his family for 1 week!!! after i came home,then he wants to go the next day..sickening rite..im wonderin wat he's doin now..enjoyin himself i guess..while me..rottin at home feeling so sad and missing him so much!
but i felt so happy and relieved when he msg me frm genting yesterday sayin dat he missed me too..aww..so sweet

i cant wait for u to cum back awak..i got a lot n lots of stories to tell u!wat terribly happened wen u were nt in singapore..i miss u dear..come bk soon aite..ill be waiting for u to cum hm sayang..luv u!

2007-03-19T06:25:00.000-07:00

the malay dancers decided to take a break from the hard work that we have put for the preparation on syf.we really need a rest!

it was such a fun day..we went to east coast park and went for cycling and roller blading.

but unfortunately almost all got injured badly but i was lucky enough to escape from the mere fall over the slope..i lost my balance and just pull the brake..all i know was that i was on a 90 degree up to the air..but luckily i did not fall flat to the ground...phewww

alhamdulilah no one ended in the hospital..

then we had a little picnic by the sea side and the GIRLS played soccer wit MDM SUHAILA!!!

haha..so fun and boohoo..i turn out to be more darker than how i used to be..theres no use using a sunblock wen u will still turn dark and have sunburns all over ur nose and cheeks!

we went back home with filled wth happiness and sadness that the day ends up so fast.

also sadness coz the next day will be our dance practice..be prepared to get lecture by the instructor!!!

and i wonder how they will dance with their bandages and with the limpings..haha.hmmmm...

2007-02-13T00:52:00.000-08:00

valentines day is meaningless to me.

it all started yesterday when i was talkin to him.i told him that i was excited about vday.i've already planned to buy him something special.but suddenly everything that ive said was bein crashed into pieces.i was so hurt at that point of time wen he said that he doesnt care about valentines day,anniversaries and any special occasions for a couple to celebrate.and i asked him"so what u care about?"he said"i only care about my future,my dreams and my studies."
i was about to cry so loudly but i just hold onto my tears..

[sigh]it really shows how much he really loves me.how much he cares about me.im no more his baby angel who he really adores and love.he is no more a prince who gets excited whenever i asked him out.

i felt envious about his dreams and all because it really makes us more apart.
i've tried my best to understand him.all i could to help him givin advice.but its just too hard sometimes wen he is being unfair to our relationship.he should love his carrier and at least care about our relationship at the same time.

i dont really know how to explain u guys about this.but yesterday was my happy too cos at night he made his mushy cutey voice while talkin to me which really makes my day.and he make me laugh.well i dnt know about today.im so afraid.im so afraid that he might change to his moody voice again.
oh god im so scared!

well eventhough valentines day is meaningless to me,im still hoping for a rose frm him.and im plannin to get him something which we will exchange together...
i cant wait for friday.hopefully there will be no assignments for him on that day.please god.HELP ME!!!

2007-02-11T05:37:00.000-08:00

yesterday went to sempang bedok..i dressed up like those kind of exotic girls who are really into arts and contemp dance.cool rite.its the first tym i dressed up that way as now im kinda into the syf dance movements.i was hooked.

before goinn to sempang bedok,i went to ucc(university cultural centre)for dance practice.so we will have the feel of the stage and we will know our positions.
however,i realised that i've ate and drank a LOT!
in the morning,i ate nasi lemak.lunch time,i ate chicken rice.i bought two packets of twisties i bar of fruit tella.i bought 1 bottle of sprite ice,1 can of aloe vera peach and 1 can of coke.
i guess i was too stressed up with the problem me and my hubby were facing.its like can u imagine surviving for almost 3 days without talking to him.not listenin to his sexay and mushy voice.his gd night kisses.ARRRRGGGGHHH!!!
i was really hoping for him to call,i never even recieved one call or message except a message frm him dat says"ytd where u go"

omg i missed him soo much.i wasnt that talkative like how i used to.i just kept quiet for the whole day cos i was holding back my tears and i wasnt in a good mood.sorry friends.
i was really waitin for him to call me.and i got so upset wen i there are no missed calls.
but i just kept silence.i do not want to make the first move.im afraid he might not be in a good mood.moreovver..he broke my heart.he made me cry.he shud make the first move if he is a gentleman.

it was almost 5pm.
went back home with exhaustment.
my sis came beack frm work and bought us macdonalds.yum yum.i ate again.

after that she went to he bestfriend's birthday party.me anf my parents went to sempang bedok fo dinner.i wasnt in a good mood and my stomach was bloated.
i still kept in silence.i sms him a "jiwang poem"but he didnt reply.
the whole night i kept on glancing my hp.
i just wait and wait.
finaly around 9.30 pm....
HE MESSAGE ME!!!!!!!!!!!
i was so shocked and my tears rolled down my cheecks.i felt so touched with his apologies.thank god.

[to be continued]

2007-02-11T00:19:00.000-08:00

yes we fought again.
i shall not tell u bout wat we argued about coz it hurts a lot.
wat i wanna say to u baby is that,

bie..im sorry.its my fault.i was unfair and selfish to u.i wasnt understanding enough.
but please..im a girl..u dnt hav to shout at me in sms.
ur words were just too cold for me to take in.
u made me cry.uve broke my heart.
i just want u to know tht im afraid to lose u bie

Usah biarku bersendirian
Usah biar diri ku di sini
Seorang menunggu tanpa teman
Usah lepas genggaman tangan mu
Usah biar semua berlalu
Usah terlupa perasaan hati
Pertama kali kita bertemu

awak..i muish u.

2007-02-01T05:42:00.000-08:00

its almost 10 and i still cant figure out why im feeling so uneasy now.or maybe heartbroken.
why!!

isit becoz i m feelin that he doesnt love me anymore??
isit because i feel that he is avoidin me now.
or maybe isit becoz i missedd him sooo much.

maybe its becoz i missed him.

just now i went to mf library.i used the comp and view my baby's blog which was soooo outdated.he stopped usin it becoz he doesnt know how to use blog.he blogged wen we were so in love with each other last time.if u wanna know hw sweet and romantic he was,u may view his blog.www.bikefreakz.blogspot.com

afta recallin all the memories,the past,i just broke down.it all falls so suddenly that i dnt have the energy,the strength to stand and wake up.the tears wud just roll down my cheeks continuously and never ends.but every tear i shed wud just make me a stronger woman who is willing to sacrifce for the man she loves.
he understands me.how i feel.he just want us to work hard and success so we will hav a brighter future.he says:i cant stop lovin u. but baby if u cant stop loving,den stop making me cry.make me feel happy.yes i do want us to hav a brighter future but please..at least show me that u care for me.show me ur concern.change the way u talk to me.

watever it is,i realized that he will love me wit all his heart and soul no matter wat ups and downs we've gone through.im sorry baby for all the mistakes ive done to u.becos i just need some time to cool myself down.its not easy to forget about everything we've been through last time.i need time to relax coz sumtimes it may all cum back i wud just fall apart and broke into tears.i hope u will understand me.

yes we will continue our love life.i will try my best to forget the past.but time will be needed.
i love u syg.

2006-12-27T04:33:00.001-08:00

he is so cute!

ok i know u cant see wat im holding.its actually a burgur king paper bag
here are the pictures updated.the one i wear my mini skirt.hahaha.

2006-12-05T03:53:00.000-08:00

aaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i hate her! that fucking bitch..
y cant u just leave us alone???please la..shamir doesnt regard u as a sister anymore and he hates u too so please leave him alone!!
u are the one who ruin our relationship..
u got boys all around u..so dont take my shamir away from me!! i love him..
u dont know the meaning of true love..u just treat all boys like toys...wen u know ure goin to break wit that guy,u already hav a bakal..
and u used them all..

siti nadia back off u asshole and stop bothering him again!

im so pissed off people..im so sorry..i've got no one to turn on to..except for this blog..
becos no one cares!

i feel so empty right now...he is a very good guy.but please baby help me! dun ever think of wanting to go out wit her...you know that she will do something to ruin our relationship right?!
she wants u back baby..she wants u back..
i dun wanto lose u awak..plz understand.i trust u bie..
dun ever bring me down..

2006-12-03T23:26:00.001-08:00

i want to meet sumone,who would love me,who is willing to sacrifice for me.
who would be my hero and my soul.
i wanto meet sumone that concerns bout me.
who cares for me. who is afraid to lose me.
who wud call me nonstop and gets me irritated
who wud feed me medicine wen im sick
who would always be there for me in hard and easy days.
i want to meet sumone who wud nvr fail to bring a smile on my face.
and nvr stops making me laugh..and i want that sumone to appreciate me.
and i want that sumone to love me no matter wat happens,forever...
who can stand my nag for a while.
who can give me motivation and support
who is faithful towards me
who can respect me as much as i can to him

and i wud giv him my all..but not more than that..

2006-12-02T21:32:00.000-08:00

ok so afta dat argument,

i decided to meet him..at first,i was pissed wit him coz he said that he gt remedial den maybe he cannot make it.coz i thought he wants to play soccer wit his gang then he make excuses..

but after a few minutes,he msg me and said that maybe he could make it..wana meet?

i was like yiiippeee!!hehehe

so i wore a long sleeve shirt and a mini skirt..very mini..
i went to airport first.then i do my hmwk..he was sooooooo late! and iwas like so mad at him..
but i wasnt dat mad coz he gave me sweet msges...and it really cools me down..yet i was still mad..

he bought me chicken cheesestick and a mushroom burger frm bk..and he only ate the chicken cheese stick,which we shared..poor baby..and he is still willing to give me the burger..eventhough he was hungry..

den omg!!! i saw his bloody PDA!!!
WOW! i was so excited and i was like so jakun..haha its kinda embarassing la..haha.
i was like figuring out,where is the fuckin pen?den i search evrywhere.i thought it was in his pocket and u know wat he said,"ok if i can find it,wat u do?" and i was like"ok,i will giv u a kiss but only a smooch." den he said"no a long one." wahlaowei...okok den the pen was actually in its phone itself!damn..i have to giv him dat long kiss..(but it was nice la)hehehe

so i learn how to use that thing..and i dnt even know how to use it..its like using a computer..it even has msn messenger..
haha..
but he off the internet settings..ALARRR..

erm afta dat,my mom called and asked me to go home coz as usually my curfew is untill 7-8pm.ergh!i hate curfews..

i stood up...alamak..i kena scolding frm him la..woops dada is mad!!
he scold me for wearing such mini skirt..
u so lame la awak..haha

den we sat in the bus...
he showed me the shkira video...omg! i love shakira's ass..i wanto have an ass like hers!!! so jealous sey..den baby wants to be the black guy who plays the guitar..i dun even know his name..aniway i love their dance wit the butts

afta tat he showed me a video called"pengajaran mat rempit"
eww eww eeww gross!!! the guy was dead in an accident,and his intestines all come out.his body and his legs were separated..and his brain all come out..his legs..omg!! so disgusting..and i had nightmares u know..hate u awak..hmmph!

i was so tired..so i lay on his lap..he "tepuk2"me until i fall asleep..so soundly..but i was also very high la..haha..whoops..

cant tell u much bout it.and wen i woke up..he almost brought me into tears..coz he finally put his arms around me and hugged me soooooooo tigtly..at last..i feel secure..

(i will keep the photos updated soon oytes! ;) )

muax!

2006-11-30T02:54:00.000-08:00

Setiap saat tiap ketika
Mecari tak berputus asa kumelangkah
Terasa dekat boleh disentuh
Namun hakikatnya kau terlalu jauh
Engkau yang penyayang... Pemaaf pengasih
Berkali engkau kukecewakan Ku tetap tak sesisih
Kau bagiku bagai gerbang yang sentiasa terbuka
Sabar dan tenang menanti setiap ketika
Kalau pun mara... tidak ketara
Aku terus lupa... hadirmu di Persia
Tidakku sedari diammu gunung berapi
Tiba-tiba sahaja meledak
membinasakan semua
Tiada lagi buatku gerbang terbuka
Aku kini perahu tidak berdayung
Ingin kau kudekati kusentuh

2006-11-30T01:39:00.000-08:00

[sigh]

today is a very pathetic and bad day for me...
im just not in a mood today.mayb its bcos im havin period.
my sis gave me sum lecture about my relationship wit him.and i was so sad to hear that.
well,sumhow wat,i think her advice and all are very useful..u know coz she love to giv people lectures and they really work..thats a good thing bout her.i love to seek for her advice wenever i feel down..and of course not forgettin my fwens...

i felt that wenever i get into fights or arguments,im the one who have to give in and say sorry wen they are the ones who made the mistakes.yet,they will twist the whole situation and blame me like as if its all my fault...haiz...i always feel lonely and stupid cos of this...
some people dun really understand how it feels to be trap in this small little planet and feel so lonely that whenever they screamed,no one will ever turned back and cared..
sometimes i felt that way...u know like screaming...cryin evrynight and no one ever hears...

yes i have friends...but were they there beside me wen i cried?where were they wen i need a hug?where were they wen i felt lonely as if i dun hav the energy to wake up from my sleep to face the world...

i nvr ask for sympathy...or empathy...
just expressin my feelings which i cant barely handle.

i wanto be independent..i wanto see the world around me and get the experience to do something different..doesnt mean it has to be drinkin or losin virgin or takin drugs..but in a good way...

i wanto be a goth..but i dun hav to change myself drastically.haha..well gues i look kinda innoncent and soft...but y not give it a try?i wanto explore new things around me..i wanto be a designer..one day i wanto wear the clothes that was created by me..
hahaha..okok..enough..

[sigh]

gues i have to face my problems first and settle it silently...before i go further...

ouh ya btw...today i didnt reply baby's msg..i dun know y..like wat penguin said..give him sum time..ok..and im doing it.since he wants to be diff and more matured..i dun care wat people say bout him..all i know is that...i love him.and i just pray for him to change...nothing much..but wanting him like how he used to be...thats all i always wanted him to do..hopefully all my prayers will be granted.

yea i know im still young and i have to get a life..but im trying my best now..but wit him..

2006-11-28T21:22:00.000-08:00

hahaha..im back im back..

i need to make a list..

1st.im soo hungry.
2nd.im tired and i havent have enough sleep.
3rd.penguin owes me the tickets to "happy feet"
4th.'dear badd,can u please msg me and tell me wen's our outin gona be?im so into the shopping plans wit u..and im waitin for ur msg!!! (heart u loads!)
5th.abg din is comin bck home tonight.
6th.missin all my seniors.
7th.'dear cousins..wen's our triple date gona be?aiyoh hurry up la..
8th.goin to sentosa wit baby and his jokerezo gang.wit badd too.duno who to bring along
9th.who wants to accompany me to scape on the 18th of dec to celebrate the eve of abg afiq's bdae?
10th.awak,wen are we goin out?u ah...study study study.if not play game..if not..play bola bola bola.den wen wanto spend tym wit me!!!!!!hmmmmmmm....

haiz...im BORED

2006-11-28T20:41:00.000-08:00

my cuzz just went back home..haha i muish dem siah..but at last i can sleep peacefully without body craamps,being attacked and disturbed...

anyway...kakak boyfren is coming back to singapore tonight.and kakak was like,"i really cant wait to meet him.."
if u wanto find out more about abg din goin to uk and how badly kakak missed him...visit her blog. www.likefairytale.blogspot.com

and talkin bout abg din goin to uk,my baby soo will be off for his school trip to thailand..omg im gona muish his hug and his voice!!!

but i planned to do somthing for him..its gona be a surprised!!!
hope he will feel happy wen he's back..

anyway it's only for a week..haha..one day i nvr get to hear his voice i cry oredy..wat about 1 week nvr get to her his voice?? it will be worst!
evrynight i will look at his photo and kiss him b4 i go to bed..

ish..i really muish my dearie cousin..charlene,hannan and cherrie...i will be bored,rottin at home again..and hannan will play his roonscape once he reached home and charlene will play her habbo hotel once she reached to her palace...
haha and cherrie? cry cry cry nonstop.omg so annoyin..and im tired..need sum sleep..omg!

2006-11-28T19:39:00.000-08:00

firstly,i wanto thank my dear friend penguin..for his advice..and it really works!!!

baby and i are now 2gether like how we used to be...
no more fights and quarel and finaly i can sleep peacefully on my bed..

baby called me...finally.i was watchin titanic..and the show was so romantic.and he distracted me..
aiyoh.enthusiastically,i answered the phone and i was so mad at him..in silence.i said to him."finally u called"and he laugh.he said"wat?y u say like that.""and i replied"no message no nothing.now then u wanto call me..ergh!".den he was like"abeh i baru abes main bola seh"den suddenly after a few chats, itsuddenly pop out of my mouth.."wat wrong did i do to u awak?!wat did i do to u??"den he asked me back.."wat?wat u do? and i said.."wat did i do wrong dat make u avoid me?y are u like avoiding me awak?"

and there he goes..givin me explanation..

he told me that he was studying.he didnt even msg his bro for like weeks..and he apologised.
and suddenly..he gave me more than two smooches..the huge one.i cried so bad,bt silently..i dont know y..maybe i missed him too much..his gd night kisses.i miss all a bout him..and at last i get those smooches from him..

btw..dada bought a NEW PDA!!!!!! arrrrrrrggggggghhhh!!! im sooooo jealous...
but he was confused on usin that hp.hahaha..so cute la u awak.

muax..i love u baby...wit all my heart.coz u are the sunshine of my heart.

last but not least...thank u penguin..again..ur advice really2 works..

2006-11-23T23:48:00.000-08:00

okok..lets not bring that subject aniemore ok..
thanks to penguin and fadhli
who make me feel much more betta...
i think i need sum time and he nids sum time to think about this problem..
calm ourselves down...and soon my baby will realise...

im sorry awak..if i dun give u enuff space..

we will sort things out...soon..it will all be over and we will be as happy as before...

2006-11-23T22:09:00.000-08:00

i dun know wats goin on my mind right now.it just doesnt feel right.i felt so emotional these days and i cant sleep evrynight.im so tired of thinkin bout our relationship.im tired.i aalways feel stressed up wenever it always flashed back into my mind about our memories.

wen he used to asked me wat happens if the ship sank and he drowned.and i answered,i will jumped into the sea and drowned wit u holdin our hands tight.

and he always had this enthusiasm of wantin me to call.if i didnt,he would always had the time to talk to me. [sobsob]

wen he used to say,"awak i muish u so much!omg nvr miuish a gal like this before!"
wen he told me that he is ready to live his line on the line just to be with me.
his gorgeous cutey smile...his tears...his laughter..his "jiwang"poems just makes me muish him more and thinkin back about our past.

his promises and valuable words will always be kept in my mind,heart and soul.

i want him back.
i need him.
i wanto get the love of him.
i missed him.

but now...it all seem to be different.its not like how it used to be.he changed.

"awak,i just wanna tell u that i want my Muhammad Shamir BACK.u are no more YOU.u changed.u are crious and u are not as irritating as before.where is the manje?where is ur laughter?where's the sweet romantic guy who always called me evry single day and night without missin it once?where is the childish personality out of u wen u are happy and disturbing me?where is the guy who always go back home straight playin his games while talkin to me?where is the guy who always express all his feelings to the person he love?where is the guy who is always never stops mssagin me and keep on asking"cyg,wat are u doing?baby,wru?baby i love u like theres no one before..baby plz keep ur promise coz i had already made a swear in my heart."where is the caring guy who always concern about me goin home late at night.wen u say to me during SYF "mane i tk worry?u are my onie baby wat."where is ur concern and care?..where has it gone???

ive been there for u in hard and easy times.givin u a lot of motivation and support wit all y hopes.ive been givin u all i can just to make u feel happy.and ive been givin u love.trying hard to make u feel secure.but can plz give me a chance to tell u wat i want from u now?i want ur love.make it a one day.be back to urself..u might think its nothing bt ive been thru my torments.and please make me happy.i know u will say u are doing this for us but i dun care bout that.i will still giv u support.but just help me grant my wish awak..and i also know that u are very stress too..and i will do watever i can to calm urself down and givin u advice.plz awak,make feel as im ur baby angel again...tellin me that u love me..that 3 important words will just do it.

baby,if ure readin this...dont get mad ok..i know i shudnt be sayin bout all this.but this is wat blogs are for ok.and i hope after u read that msg u wud realise...that i am missin u..

2006-11-23T09:08:00.000-08:00

i muish him..

awful night.

i just want him by my side now and pt his arms around me.saying the most valueable word..
"i love u"

those promises are always kept in my mind..those memories.will always be in my heart.

i missed him.i need him.

2006-11-23T00:19:00.000-08:00

22 november 2006

me and baby wento causeway point to watch convenant.

2.30pm
went out from the house.decided to meet him at bk.
3.oopm
arrived.i brought my thick books becos we thought of studyin in the library.my bag was fuckin heavy.haiz..i stroll around to check out some clothes.in fact all of them didnt catch my eyes.i was so bored at that time.
3.51pm
he msg me and said that he was still at yishun.and he apologised for bein late.i was so pissed wit him at first.so i decided to wait for him at bk.i bought food.to filled up my mood.
4.31pm he called and said that he will reached around 20 mins time.grr..
i fall asleep.
finally he went in and gave me a tickle.i looked up wit my messy hair and my moody face.haha.
and he was soo bloody cute wit that hair.aawww.then he asked me if i wanto watch movie.and so we watched "the covenant".
well dont ask wat happen there cos i wont tell..wat i can say is that i cant concentrate well to the movie.
after the movie,we went shoppin.and baby bought me an adidas perfume for my BELATED bdae.hahaha.but its ok baby.i dun expect much.i dun need a present.all i want is ur love.
outside the toilet i told him not to turn and i put the gift i bought for him into his bag.it was a small teddy with a poem inside the container.i told him to check went he get back home.

he send me back home to my doorstep.and i really forgot to take sum pictures with him for all of u to see.so sorie for that okay.

when he was waitin for the mrt to arrived,he sat down and opened the gift wrapper.he called me and said that the teddy was cute.haha.phew..and i gave him a smooch.

2006-11-22T23:19:00.000-08:00

juls' and i sort things out.

we are slowly gettin closer.try my very best to spend more time wit her.goin out with her and tryin my best not to talk about boys.

got back my results.it sucks.i screwed.
well i took art coz i love that subject but im just afraidd that i will regret.

shuts my prepaid has gone low..hate when that happens.eventually Ian called me a cheapo..
and omg i hate him.

18 nov 2006
5 months anniversary
planned to buy him a gift.just a small one and wrote him a poem.which i had created
just for him.surprisingly,he was the first to wish me at 12 midnite.amazing.
i totally forgot that it was our 5 months.haha.and i apologised.whoops!.
anieways,happy 5 months sayang..hope this month will be a brand new mth for us.and i hope we wont quarel again,insyaallah.and i love u.

21 nov 2006
bad day.
everyone seemed to be ignoring me.i was so sad that day.i called badd she didnt answered,i called my bie and even he himself ignores me.suddenly he told me that he wants to sleep.and the weird thing is,his voice was freshed and he didnt even wish me a gdnite and givin me kiss..hahaha.i think i know y..
and called julaina..cant believe it..she called me a despo..
i really had a terrible night.i cant even sleep bcos i kept on thinkin in my mind.y is my baby actin strange that night.
i cudnt fall asleep.again.so i called my dearly cuzz.and we had this wonderful conversation.i told her how terrible that day was and she also told me the same thing.and yadayadayada.

and now..im just feelin bored and blue.maybe i just missed him too much.kept on thinkin bout him.haiz..sooner or later,i need to stop bein so crazy bout him..not that i dont love him.i do baby.but i just need to relax my mind.so he wont feel bored of me,talkin bout the same stuffs and all.it wont be interestin aniemore.and im still young.i still need to study.at least my baby has a dream.me?i dun even hav one.but my ambition is to be an artist.cos i love art.but the thing is it wont bring me a good future.im confused and clueless.wat is my real ambition?

2006-11-22T00:17:00.000-08:00

finally..we have pictures..

2006-09-02T02:17:00.000-07:00

ok...now..everything is settled..

he changed back to the way he was last time..and i'm glad that he changed..phew
i loooooooovvvvvvvveeeeee him soooooooooo much!

dada,juz remember dat you are everything to me...
thanks for being there for me syg...i really appreciate it..ur patience is amazing

and i muish u sooo much dada...i'm just so happy to have you as my first love...
sangat susah untuk meluahkan kata-kata itu..

tapi..i'm just afraid that 12years wont happen...haiz...well like wat you said...
if we have the trust and the love...12 yrs will happen...
well..hope so...

but watever it is..i want to study and go poly first ah...by just 3 yrs time our relationship will be smooth and stable...hahaha...
darn i failed 3 subjects...
it's all because of the term called"STRESS"
hahaha...i wonder why people suffers from stress..but to tell u the truth it sucks la basically...

2006-08-24T04:11:00.000-07:00

aku tidak dapat meluahkan rasa hati
hati yang amat pahit sekali
ini adalah pertama kali aku berasa seperti ini
tetapi aku tabah
tabah untuk menghadapinya
selama ini aku berpura-pura
tetapi hanya tuhan sahaja yang tahu
betapa pedihnya hati ku
setiap kali mengenangkan masa dahulu
kita saling sayang menyayangi
bermanja sesama sendiri
berjenaka hingga larut malam
engkaulah tempat aku mengadu
engkaulah tempat aku mendapatkan kasih sayang
engkaulah syurgaku
engkau tidak pernah sekali pun marah
walaupun seketika,kau akan meminta maaf padaku
pada masa itu akulah orang yang paling terbahagia sekali...pabila berada disamping mu
tiba-tiba kehadiran seorang wanita
datang untuk mengambilmu dari sisi ku
dan kau sanggup melepaskannya
demi cinta kita
tetapi aku tertanya-tanyakan sendiri
mengapakah kau berubah dengan sekelip mata
setelah kejadian itu berlaku
di manakah belaian kasih mesra mu
di manakah manjamu
dimanakah kata-kata manis mu
di manakah panggilan mu yang tidak terhenti
di manakah shamir yang hati nya lembut sekali
di manakah semangat mu ketika berjumpa bersamaku
kau sanggup meninggalkan apa-apa sahaja..walaupun penat
hanya setakat ingin berjumpa aku
sekarang engkau senang mendapatkan kemarahan
sekarang engkau kurang menghubungiku
aku berasa bingung sayang
aku cuba memulakan hidup baru bersama mu
tetapi setiap malam aku menangis
teringatkan masa dahulu
aku rasa bimbang akan kehilangan mu
selama ini aku berpura-pura gembira..tersenyum mesra
tetapi tiada sesiapa yang tahu
apa yang terpendam di dalam hatiku
aku akan cuba sedaya upayah
untuk melupakan masa lalu
aku tidak mahu berkata apa-apa
aku hanya sabar dan tabah
aku cuma ingin berkata
aku merindui,engkau yang dahulu
walau apa pun terjadi
ada HIKMAH di sebalik nya
ia cuma sekadar cabaran yang harus kita lalui
dalam setiap perhubungan
aku akan sentiasa menyayangi mu shamir
aku akan cuba untuk memahami mu sayang

effa

2006-08-24T03:19:00.000-07:00

it was such a big family feast at the holiday inn hotel..omg!!! i was like so bloated after eatin all those delicious food..there were loads and loads of food..japanese,indians,malay,english and all types of food!!!there were deserts....marshmallows..puddings..sushi..omgomgomg!!!i loike..
we almost taste every single food that were prepared on the table...

hahaha..cheers!:D

me,erdha,and arwis..
we are now very close cousins...and there are so so lovely..but sadly..

the three of us got our personal problems..relating to our relationship..and it sucks

erdha is so damn freakin pissed becoz she doesnt have the chance to be stead wit her guy on that day due to this occasion...12 of august 06...becos if she stead wit her guy on this date..the next month on the 12 sept,they can celebrate their anniversary..and...her birthday on one day
awww...so sad... :'(

arwis was stressed about his gal..who had a god brothe who,ask her for stead many times..and unbelievably...tht fuckin guy had hold her hand and even kissed her siah...sialah..
if i were him ah..i go to that guy and giv him one big beautiful punch on his fuckin face...

ok now about me...a girl found out that he was my bie...and she got extremely mad about it..and she even told my friend that she still love him and she say that he stead wit me just to 4get about the past..what the fuck!!! nabei..
and she called him and asked"u nvr go out wit that chee bye"
kanina..chee tiongs...fucker...eerrrrrgghhhh!!!
in my WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE,no one has ever scold me that bloody word...sialah..
den open school rite..she even bang a fork on a plate in front of me and i juz cant look at that fuckin face of hers.....she tink she so pretty...PANTAT!..den she was like tryin to break me and him up...she was makin me jealous and bein sacarstic siah..she tel me to asked him where's her winnie the pooh...wahlaowei..why must i ask him..why not she ask him for herself...omg where is her face??!!! tk tau malu...gold digger ah she..i dnt noe la..i was soo stressed up the whole week..and i cant even concentrate on my exams!!!
BECAUSE OF HER OUR RELATIONSHIP BECAME UNSTABLE
BECAUSE OF HER HE CHANGED
BECAUSE OF HER I BECAME STRESSED UNTILL MY EXAMS GOT SO FUCK UP
BECAUSE OF HER ME AND HIM QUARELED A LOT
IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF HER OUR RELATIONSHIP BECAME SO UGLY...
AAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

WHY MUST THIS HAPPEN TO ME...KENAPE LEPAS SATU MASALAH MESTI ADE YANG AKAN DATANG!!! WHY CANT PEOPLE JUST LIVE THEIR OWN LIVES AND STOP BOTHERING PEOPLE!!! IM SICK OF ALL THIS SHIT.WHY CANT I JUZ HAVE A CHANCE TO BE HAPPY?

haizz.l...kla enough of all that..im too tired of gettin stressed up...but watever it is...i will still love him..no one can separate us..we will never be apart..
i love u bie...

nothing gonna change my love for you
you ought to know by now
how much i love you

i love u awak...plz i beg u..dont ever leave me k..

2006-08-09T21:56:00.000-07:00

this movie..2 fast 2 furious tokyo drift..is the best movie i had ever watch...u have to watch it before its too late..best recommended to you peeps around who love to become a racer or a drifter..ok basically it's the same..but anyway..this movie is marvellous...

woohoo!!!!it is dada first pay day...hahahahahaha...

met my dada...080806...

we were so filled wit enthusiasm..to watch this bloody movie of the tokyo drift...so..while waitin for the movie to start,we planned to eat at soul garden at takshimaya square...omg!!!!!!!!! i was so full afta eatin.all those fattening meat..the fishballs..and moremore....ermm ermm..lovely..it was all soo worth it...hehex..2:45 pm...we were rushing to cineleisure...we had to reach there at about 2:50 pm...as we arrived at the cinema hall..i was wondering why it looks kinda different from wat i was expecting...FUCK!!!!!..i cant believe it..

aparantely it wasnt the show we were desparatingly eager to watch...instead it was the CLICK..wahlaowei..kanina...nvm...dada was so mad about it...he crushed the tickets and threw it onto the floor....16 bucks..burned..haiya..so i felt so guilty la..16 buck wasted siah..i took out my last 5 bucks..and gave it to him...he refused to take it...i forced him to take it..but still,he refused..but..actually..the movie was kinda hilarious...cute!..i was like laughing...okok..afta that,we started to feel..wooh!i dont how to explain la...ok now..like wat we always do..look into each others eyes and start the whole thang again...hahaha...no kiss kiss..no hug hug..but we had gone through all of the above...

omg!!!muish him soooooooooooooooo manymany...now i really noe how much he mend to me...i dont noe lar..its hard to explained...through thin and thick..we are still together...

okok.....afta the show...we decided to watch another one..the tokyo drift..and it better be the real one orite..hahak...we went to the rite hall at the exact time...and woohoo!!!we are so damn happy to have finally got a chance watch that movie....we were like so concentrated...this show is totally recommended to eveeeeryyone...it's really fascinaing...wahlaowei..the actor is like so hotty hot..and the car..wooh!!

ok i shall stop all my crap now..hahaha..but...there are some sad parts that makes me wanto cry...i gotta tell you..it is really good...

2006-08-05T01:36:00.000-07:00

back back back...
hehehehe=.=

the j.e.s.y is back to normal..hahak..im so so happy now...no more sad sad..hehe

met him yesterday...
hahak!finaly got to meet him!!!omg i muish muish him sooooo muchhh!!!!!!

muish his wonderful fragrance..awwwww...
okok..=.=

we went to esplanade...i was supposingly to wear a sleeveless top and a mini skirt..but i felt kinda awkward wearing it.so i change the mini skirt to jeans..which was gosh!so much betta..hehehe...
while we were on our way there,in the mrt,i hug hug hug him sooooo tightly...hehe..muish him larx..

we arrived at city hall at 4.45pm...around there...
i brought my jacket...and i wonder why he asked me to wear it...it was so damn freakin hot siah..wooh..
arrgggggghhhhh the escalators were not moving so we decided to take the stairs..hehe..poor little dada had to carry his heavy bag which contain his working boots...after we climed the stairs,he carried me all the way to the esplanade...hahak..awww..but as there were loads of people,i wanted him to stop carrying me..but he refused...so half way there i tried to push myself downwards..hahak it was a successful did..hehehe
it was such a hot day...
we took a sweet photo at the pond...and we sat there for a while so he could where his safey boots..easier to carry his bag..not so heavy now.hehehe
i took a video of him..too bad i cant put it in this update...well well..
den we move on to the rooftop...we walked right to the corner...very windy and romatic...hehe
and........he asked me to turn around....omg!!!!!!!!!!the ssweettest thing ever done...
he put a beautiful necklace around me and wore it for me...awwwww...muacks..thank u dada..lurp u..hehex

okok..we took a short breeze...and below..there was an unknown band about to get ready for their performance..we sat down enjoying our quiet moment..looking into each others eyes,and...ehemm ehemm...hehehe...wooh..he looked soo cute!his eyes were too hot..omg!!!
okok enough...
around 5.30pm
julaina called...hehe..i was getting a lil bit envious abt their outing...so fun!!!but well wat to do we planned it out first...so...ok...nvm...
we went home quite early yesterday because he had to go to work..night shift..poor dada..have to work..but at least he is happie wit his job..i will be there to give him the support..

i muish yesterday's outing...BUT...have to focus MORE on my studies!!!
common test is cuming and im startin to get the enthusiasm to start out all my revisions back...
errggggggghh!!!!!!!!

stressed out

confused

2006-07-29T20:30:00.000-07:00

confused..

i dont know what to say...i feel so cramp up...it's all in my head...

okok..i fought wit my very own j.e.s.y
why must they not understand my situation...im in a relationship!!! get it??
but i felt so embarassed to let it all out to them..this is not the way to sort things out..they would blame the whole problem at me..whats the point of talking to them..

ok fine!i know im wrong for not spending time wit all of u...but please at least understand...i've got too much problems to be settled...whenever i talked about this to him..i cried..it just gets on rolling inside my head...sometimes i feel like banging my head against the wall..or to just end my life...but i wont do that..cause it's no use...

but well no matter what happens...i will still love my j.e.s.y..i want them back...i want the old j.e.s.y..and i will try my very best to have fun and try to make time wit all of u k..i will try not to use that much of my handphone when i'm with all of u k..

but using my handphone also wrong ah...its my handphone and i can use it whenever i like..i dont know how to explain to them...anyway i admit that i payed less attention to them..that's why they are slowly avoiding me..but avoiding me and making a friend feel hurt is not the way to sort things out..they should come to me as a group and ask me why im bahaving like this,i change or whatsoever crap..and we will settle this as a group...like what i did to my bestfriend last time..she changed a lot when one girl came to our group...i talked to her on the phone about this..and we settled everything..i did not avoid her,i did not go to my other bestfriends and hurt her feelings...

ok i've been asked a question...

my j.e.s.y or my hubby...
ok i have to be fair...if i quarell with my hubby..who are the ones that are goin to comfort me?j.e.sy...i LOVE j.e.s.y and i LOVE my hubby...

but i hope on MONDAY...everything will become normal..like the year 2005...i want us to have fun like how we use to have...

i dont want to say anything for this moment....i dont want to menyusahkan anyone...i dont want because of this people get hurt...

problem settled

2006-07-10T07:01:00.000-07:00

today..was such a happy and a sad day..

i met my bie today...as tis will be our last outing for this while...he will be werkin tomorrow..and im gonna muish him sooooo much bie...hehe..but im happy for him because he is really excited abt tis airport job and he really wanted tis job...so just have to let him go...bluekh

as usual i was late again..nyahahaha..do u noe its fun to be late?hehe okok nevermind juz 4get bout it..hehehe..
we decided to go airport.took 858 frm woodlands...it was such a long journey..but i guess i love sitting in the bus sleeping on his comfortable shoulder holding onto his hand tightly..
when we reached airport,he bought some food and drinks from burger king..so we sat on our perfect place where we had our first date..hehehe...ouh btw there was this caucasion old man..omg he was so damn freaking cute with his spectacle with the beared reading his storybook..awww...he was sitting over the other site of bench beside us...

me and him...i sat on his lap,we took some pictures...and look into each others eyes and...we hug..it was the most nicest adorable hug i had...as i was feeling a little bit high and sleepy..
god!!! i wish i can tell u how much i really love him..but its too hard to explain la...its so beautiful to be in love...now i am so happy and glad to experience it and to have finally found my true lover..okok enough...

at about 6:15 pm...

i noe i was goin to be late...we went back to the bus,858,and we sat at the back...there wee go again..."no hug hug""no kiss kiss""no holding hands"but we eventually broke all the rules..muahahaha...i was sleeping on his shoulder again...suddenly his head was slowly moving downwards........awwwwwwwww.......he was asleep...so cute!!!
so poorthing.i felt so sympathy on him...so i tried to put my arm across his other shoulder to stop his head from fallling down...hehe..wooh!nvm...

he woke up and he ask me to kol my mom..ouh shit..shes gonna be soo angry...i ask him to talk to her...thanks to my brave bie..who called my mom and she wasnt so tht angry afterall...

it was dawn..

i was so late ya noe...my mom called..hehe and i asked him to pick up...hehe again...she said tht my dad was angry...and we were like rushing home...
we took half round...and finally we reached the lift...

i looked at him once more...tht very very last look of his face...but it wont be the last one though...i hug him soooo tightly..coz im gonna really miss him...hope he wont 4get me...when he werk liao....muacks lurp u bie...

2006-07-08T23:54:00.000-07:00

I love you.
Baby I love you
You are my life
My happiest moments weren't complete
If you weren't by my side
You're my relation
In connection to the sun
With you next to me
There's no darkness I can't overcome
You are my raindrop
I am the sea
With you and God, who's my sunlight
I bloom and grow so beautifully
Baby, I'm so proud
So proud to be your girl
You make the confusion
Go all away
From this cold and messed up world.
I am in love with you
You set me free
I can't do this thing
Called life without you here with me
Cause I'm Dangerously In Love with you
I'll never leave
Just keep lovin' me
The way I love you loving me.
And I know you love me
Love me for who I am
Cause years before I became who I am
Baby you were my man
I know it ain't easy
Easy loving me
I appreciate the love and dedication
From you to me
Later on in my destiny
I see myself having your child
I see myself being your wife
And I see my whole future in your eyes
Thought of all my love for you
sometimes make me wanna cry
Realize all my blessings
I'm grateful
To have you by my side.
Every time I see your face
My heart smiles
Every time it feels so good
It hurts sometimes
Created in this world
To love and to hold
To feel
To breathe
To love you.
Dangerously in love
Can't do this thing
I love you , I love you, I love you
I'll never leave
Just keep on loving me
I'm in love with you
I can not do
I cannot do anything without you in my life
Holding me, kissing me, loving me
Dangerously
I love you
Dangerously in love.

2006-07-08T20:09:00.000-07:00

oh my god!!!!!!!its been such a long long time since i last wrote this blog!!!! woohoo!
no wonder no one tag on my tagboard..lerr..

okok..i shall now start on wat happen all this while...
i am so so happy now...
many things that had happen.and i dont know where to start..hrmm...
arite..hows my life?
its so wonderful...but i had gone through so many difficulties and problems...but we had overcome it together....we???hehehe..me and him..oh how i love him so much..he is my lover he is my soul..its hard to explain how beautiful it is to be in love....

he is my very first love...and no one..can replace my heart for him..i love him like i never love anyone before..i only want him.whenever i feel sad..he is always beside me..and when he hug me so tightly,i feel like not letting him go..i want him to stay wit me forever..when he kissed me,i felt like i was on the air...high above...
i am so so afraid to loose him..even though i know i wont...i want him to be the first one to be with and the last one to die with...forever..i will not forget that he is the only one i love..no one else.nobody can separate us..and i believe,if we trust each other...we will be together forever..
all this while i want him to be in my arms..i wanna hold his hand..i wanna hug him...i wanna had my very first kiss with him..and i wanna love him..in the end i got him..
his smile..his smell..his precious heart...makes me feel glad and unregretful to have him..to tell the truth,this is the first time i feel so in love...
our relationship was such an unexpectation..is it because god want us to be together?
he is the first one i express my problems wit..and only him understands how i feel..
we will grow old together..and we will die together in one heart and in peace...

menatap indahnya senyuman diwajahmu.
membuat ku terdiam dan terpaku
mengerti akan hadirnya cinta terindah
saat kau peluk mesra tubuhku.
banyak kata
yang tak mampu ku ungkapkan
kepada dirimu.
aku ingin engkau slalu..
hadir dan temani aku ..
disetiap langkah yang meyakini ku.
kau tercipta untukku
sepanjang hidupku...
aku ingin engkau slalu hadir dan temani aku disetiap langkah yang meyakiniku kau tercipta untukku meski waktu akan mampu memanggil seluruh ragaku ku ingin kau tau ku slalu milik mu yang mencintaimu sepanjang hidupku...

we will be together no matter what happens..through thick and thin..we will never be far apart.
i love u bie....

effa

jog for health beniefits

2006-03-14T08:09:00.000-08:00

jogging time...

went out from house at 8am..omg i had a terrible day..i was not in the mood man. fought with mama la. haiz. she ahh dunno la menopause la....
PEACE...
okok so i went out from the house and met up wit julaina...well she heard the whole thing from outside my house...it was like a hell man...nvm bout tht...and yeah i admit tht i cried...hehe
so after all tht mess,me and julaina started our day my having some fun as usual doing stupid stuffs...
we went to the hall where the apeks and the nyonya always hang around to have their lame chit chats..gossips...and more fascinating stories...haha..but luckily..the hall was empty..
then we decided to play badminton over there..haha as usual,i was the winner of the match..okok over...nvm..sorry babe..
wel we brought our J.E.S.Y book along..we took a seat on the floor and update our book..all our secrets..psst..
den suddenly we felt so hungry...i dont hav a single cent in m pocket but luckily she did...so we went to the cofee shop nearby and ordered roti prata telur...oh god it was so damn difficult to order frm the roti prata seller...haha...ishishish..he doesnt understand a single word im saying..but at last manage to get one of them to understand...
but to be honest,the roti prata was so delicious...haha after all tht workout,all we got was fats in our body...luckily we are thin...
okok..btw thx gal for givin me a treat..hehe..nvm i will treat u ribina when school reopens..haha..
then after eating we went back to the place...and took a rest...we had our little chat..and suddenly we saw our friend..Khalifah...haha he was eatin burger...he came to us and said that he's goin to skool..HAH omg holidays??school??nvm...
we were too bored so i went to julaina's house...we played the computer and had our little conversation wit..mike...haha it was so fun to disturb him...well i guess tht he would get freak out wit our craziness...haha..juice juice..its so sad to be the victim...sorry...but we had fun..talking to him..he can take jokes and doesnt get angry over it which is good...hehe

after tht,i went home..darn i did not talked to my mom for the whole day...haizz dnt noe wats gonna happen next...

olevel results...haha

2006-02-19T00:02:00.000-08:00

this was taken at our school...while we were waiting for them in the canteen...to take their o'level results..so sianz...haiz how i wish to have a dg cam..so far i have only collected about nine bucks..haha so pathetic..wel i just hav to wait long long lor to buy tht stupid dg cam..ytd..julaina called me and said dat she read an article abt dg cam sales..and it was only 88 bucks!!!..she thought of buying it first by using her own money...i told her wat if it's sold out..then we were like"choy!!!"haha..ok..thanks to my stupid mouth...she arrived at suntec city...well i did not follow hey because i had religious class...so she went to suntec city with her cousin to buy it..ok..so when she arrrived at tht place..she asked the sales gal whether there are still stocks for the freaking camera...and u know wat!! tht freaking salesperson said tht it was sold out...Darn..thanks to my saltish mouth for saying tht it was sold out..sorry babe for tht incident...i really do not know how such incident would happen...okies..back to the story ya..me and my twin sista[bestfren]waited for our seniors to come to school...on 16 february...i really miss them loads...actually we were supposed to go out wit them tht day...but it turned out to be canceled..well its okie sistaz i understand how u felt tht day...only get to see them when they came to school...we hugged each other and boy they were really nervous...but i still dont get it...why should they feel nervous when they are like damn smarties..and genious...and why should they worried about??confirm they will pass...so yeah...
so when they went up the stairs to take their results...suddenly a tension struck across my mind..i can feel how they felt...it's like im the one who's taking the olevel results...and god it was so scary...my hands were shaking...i asked my friend..and she told me tht she felt tht way too...i can tell..it is them weird...well..while they were uptairs at the hall,me an julaina stayed at the canteen and took some pictures by using one of my other senior's dg camera...ok i admit tht my face is very ugly...haha..i'm looking down on myself now...boohoo..ok lame..i knew tht the camera would be confiscated by yeah..we have got nothing to do..we were just to bored..after a while..me, julaina and ct yaya,went up to the hall..suddenly we saw our senior crying..we thought she failed..but jeng jeng jeng..she get 11 points!!!!!!! omg!! i was so shocked..she was like shivering...hey sista..a big congratulations to you...must go JC!!!hehehe...haiz how i wish to graduate this year and be 17...its like so fun...i can get my own laptop..use it without any disturbance from my sister...den i want a broad brand!!!! it wont easily get disconnected when im chatting on the msn...but yeah..its still a long way to go...now im so stress!!! i dont noe whether to stay in the normal academic stream or to go to express stream...if i stay in normal academic stream, i will have to handle the stress for 2 fucking years!!! if i go to express..i can still handle the stress...but yeah..u noe la im a very lazy person...so i dont know it matches with my laziness attitude...haiz..nvm la think i will just stay in the normal academic stream..hohoho...btw..congrats to kak maria for getting the opportunity to go to polytechnic!!haha..
okla..well..this is the longest i have wrote so far...sorry
for any spelling error i had caused...my english is not that good
lol...ok chiaos..haha................. =p

2006-01-28T06:32:00.000-08:00

well i fought wit my sista juz now and went out wit my friends...then when i came back...
look at wat she did to my neaty room...
arrrggggggggggghhhhhh she made me even more angry

2006-01-25T23:48:00.000-08:00

well i made this on my own to help out for my sister's boyfren
present...it was fun though..this represents my sister's boyfren which
is a frog and the princess should be my sister who is so perasan...
oh ya..i'm the one who made it and she gave it to her boyfren, saying that
she is the one who did it...haiz so pathetic...but ends up not giving him
becuse she had already created a huge trophy to her boyfren...

worst day of my life

2006-01-25T04:50:00.000-08:00

today...
it was such a bad luck..i just cant help it we had loads of problems today..in school,at home,everythingat first we got scolded by the om han..then we were so happy ang laughing out together but something happen...my friend, yusrina, lost her wallet...she was so scared which makes us all panick!!!she must have left it in the bus..after dat we search all over the place...but could not find. then we went to the bus interchange to ask the bus drivers of that bus, but the freakin bus driver told us to find it in woodlands...and find it ourselves..god that..after that she cried. mimi ask yusrina boyfren to come to help her out..and we met them at kfc..my dad kept on calling and calling..i was like so irritated bout it sia. so i went home..god!luckily ar my sister boyfriend came..he saved my life from being beaten by my dad...when he went back home, i was scolded and was given a good slap...he took my hp but luckily gave it back to me..wah another relieved...then tomorrow gtot test!!and im sick! i was so frustrated about today's incident that i couldnt consentrate on my studies...haiz...such a bad luck!

damn dat teacher!!!

2006-01-21T07:51:00.001-08:00

first day of skool was the most idiotic day of my whole year...
haiz...such a bad luck sey
starting of skool, ask me a lot of questions...so demanding sia
tell u no one like her ar...god i really regret to be in this pathetic class...all my classmates r like....
soo action arh..so boring...if u r in this position, surely tak leh tahan sey
dats why i slept during dat period...u can go really crazy about it ar...but never mind have to be patient..stay calm..no moore words...relax..god..
how i wish to change my class and be with my bestfriends...plz!! i beg u!!!

damn dat teacher!!!

2006-01-21T07:51:00.000-08:00

my happiest day!

2006-01-02T04:42:00.000-08:00

on the 31st...

i went to the yio chu kang cc to collect a cheque coz i've got 2nd in class...
at first there was a performance at the stage.[breakdance performance]gosh they were so fasinating...
den a speech by the rc mr seng...well i don understand wat he was tokin about actually

after the speech, it was so embarassing coz we hav to go up stage and shake hands wit mr seng...i received an envelop containing a pizza coupon and a note. it says dat i have to go to the registration counter to take the money and a certificate..

den after all the performance, me n julaina went to the registration counter to collect it.

gosh! i was so surprised and shock to see a $500 cheque in an envolop...so guess it is not a waste to study and get some money as a prize...but sadly i onie can take out $200 seh haiz...my mom said that it's for my future. GOD pls hlp me...

31st december new year!!!

2005-12-23T20:50:00.000-08:00

yeah...31st december i goin to a chalet wit my family and cuzzies....i'm so excited to go there..well its at the pasir ris downtown east. nieway, its my father's and my elderst cuzzin's b'dae and we're gonna celebrate over there!!! i cant wait to sleepover and overnight at the same time! and amazingly its new year's eve...so we can celebrate new year at the chalet. the chalet will be goin on for 2 nights...and i'm definately will enjoy myself over there...hehehehe

2005-12-22T03:14:00.000-08:00

dis pic was taken at j8...we've had a boring
day together so we decided to take dis pic!

-->skool<--

2005-12-22T02:52:00.000-08:00

hey!!!
i really cant wait to go to skool next year...so jakun...i noe
but i cant wait to see my frenz.gosh!i miss them loads...julaina+siti+yusrina and some of the boys. but the sad thing is next year, im will be in different classes wit my three best of frenz...the three of them are all in the same class except me...haiz how i wish dis could never happen to me...its not worth it gettin 2nd in classs where they cant make me happy at all !!! im so sick and tired of gettin bad lucks everytime...well...i hope that we could still keep in touch during recess or during breaks in skool and we could all go out together...
i juz have to live wit the bad lucks...

nieways i cant wait for next year i'm gonna be in sec2!!!yipeee!!!i've oredy bought billabong bag, skool shoes, stationaries and accessories for 2006...i noe its a waste of money. but never mind its worth it...alamak i accidentally realise how kiasu i am heheheh

pancake time

2005-12-21T23:42:00.000-08:00

just got it from my home econ book.
luckily it ends up like this.
emmm emmmm!

cuzzieme

2005-12-20T00:52:00.000-08:00

great....
finaly i could organize my blog....
hrmmm...
im so glad my cuzz help me wit the blog if not...its gonna be so ugly like hell man
well, im so bored right now, juz came back from j8...its boring though
we took neoprints, looked at the gorgeous clothes and bla bla bla...we did not shop dat much. but at least we could make ourselves happy by eatin at macdonals....goshh!!! its so fun hangin out wit her...we brought back all those beautiful childhood memories, frenz and as usual,gossips...
after going to j8, we thought of playin the swing at at the playground [i noe its embarassing coz we r teenagers ] but well its okay to fool around sumtimes..hehe..
den we felt like vomiting coz the swing is to high..cant help it so we went back home and i wrote this new blog straight away...

dats wats frenz are for ...

2005-12-14T16:36:00.000-08:00

best fren 4 eva!!!

crush

2005-12-14T16:29:00.000-08:00

I could have had him but let him go,

i want him now but he dont know,

i want to tell him, but i just hide.

my unforseen crush and my pride.

how can i go on,

im so sadi just turn away and hurt so bad,

the last thing i want to do is put that to an end,

so ill just wipe away all my tears,

and wait for the day i have no fears,

until then ill close my eyes and pray,

and wait for my life to turn from the gray skies to a sunny day

"The day my life is sunny, is the day I'll have you"

2005-12-14T16:08:00.000-08:00

bored???